Paddy’s Poem

This is a first for me , don’t judge.

Normally would have stayed in the room and not budge.

Today is Paddy day  so  it is time to head to  the bar.

Kinda wish they weren’t so damn far.

Starting off with an angry orchard , that cider goes hard. 

It brings me back to the day I had three.

It wasn’t that bad at all actually.

Spent times with the homies.

Laughing and singing 

Those were those days.

Maybe they can happen again, who can say.

As I sit as this bar and write.

This fried shrimp basket in front  is a lovely sight.

Can’t even lie, wasn’t planning to be here.

Just decided to and abandon that fear.

Going out by myself has always been a challenge.

Coming to and centering myself . Finding that balance.

Isn’t that what it is all about ?

Only way to know is to go out there and find out.

Just a Vibe-Flow

 

 

 

Never meant to be so draining.

Never meant to keep complaining.

All I want to do is vent.

All I want to be is content.

I have to be stronger than this.

Powering through all these hits

I have to do better with my depression.

Every failure is an even better lesson

I only got one life, gotta  keep it right.

Have to walk away from that and not fight.

 They're right though.

Those teachers who told me not give up hope.

All will be well.

I refuse to go through that hell.

Not when I have a rope to grab hold of.

Courtesy of the who watches from above.

Whatever this vibe is, it feels good.

 I can connect to everything and not be misunderstood.

Yeah, Yeah I would like to feel this all the time.

I'm at my best when I can write these rhymes.

Can I just Exist ? (Self- Recovery is Important too)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sitting in a room and thinking that it has come to this.

I just got one question though, can I just please take time to exist?

Feeling like I am just fading away.

Day after Day.

Don't really know what else to say.

I guess it is just better that way.

To keep myself in dark.

Have that long walk in the park,

On the bus, looking at all the cars.

Wishing I had one so I can drive very far.

Until that time, I have to preserve.

Till the time is near.

The problem I face isn't fear.

Hate to lose things that I hold dear.

Yet it keeps on happening and I hold the responsibility.

Not being able to deal with that, losing my functionality

My brain holds all my memories, I kind of need those.

Not stay stuck or anything but to have hope.

To know that I am not alone.

To know that I have a home.

To know that I have friends.

To know that I am a good person and I do what I can.

So yeah, existing to me is very important to me.

Not here as option or courtesy because I want to be.

Granted I won't reach all of y'all with these random poems of mine.

Still have to find time, so that I can write out all these rhymes.

So, I can open up and pull myself out.

Do what you can and be sure to have no doubt.

Doubt can slow you down in long run.

Granted I did type that on purpose, all the damn puns.

 

All there is left is Memories....

 

 

 

 

 

 

You know it's been a while when all you have left is memories.

I have a lot of those and to me those mean everything.

Good and bad and everything in between.

If those never happened, I wouldn't know what half of things mean.

Without you people who came in to my life, I really don't know where I would be.

I really mean that.

Granted you may not be here now and that's just me speaking facts.

Nevertheless I appreciate the lesson that is life.

It is hard to deal with at times,but what is struggle without a little strife.

Memories don't leave me stuck in the past.

It's because of that I can understand things better and actually laugh.

Laugh at the things I thought were hard and that I wouldn't get through.

Laughing because people who didn't have any faith in you.

Yet despite those moments I am still here.

To accomplish things with willpower and to not give in to fear.

God is always giving me signs.

Letting me know when it is time.

Can't stay stuck just reminiscing about people who I used to have fun talking with.

Even if I feel stuck in this.

I can make even better memories with the people who remain.

Yeah, I know time has passed but i know I am not the same.

Sometimes I wish  I could  press reset and play through the memories again.

 Even though I do try, I'm not everyone's friend.

As I have gotten older, I have to come to understand that I do what I can.

Sadly... not everyone in my memories got me as person.

Not everyone will but understand but one thing is for certain.

 The story isn't over yet, so let
who we are and our memories go far.

Memories are a part of who we are.

Feelings of wasting time.

 

 

Currently up feeling that I have been wasting time.

Can't sleep during the night, too much on my mind.

It would help if there was some support of any kind.

Feeling like I'm drowning, I could really use a rewind.

Rewinding my mind back to a good place.

When it's sunny outside there's a smile on my face.

Keeping hope alive even though I made mistakes.

Thanking God cause I am grateful every time that I wake.

Just need y'all to understand.

I am a simple man.

Everyday I do what I can.

Even though for me it is hard to stand.

Standing is hard especially when I keep falling in holes.

Each one is sad, lonely and cold.

I look for the way out and say I won't fold. 

Hard times requires faith the most.

For all that I have said tonight.

I can only hope that I make it right.

Won't give up on myself, I'll continue the fight.

Remember , even in darkness there is always some light.

 

 

 

Poem at 5 in Da morning.

When I am on Social media scrolling, I ask myself why?

Why do I bother scrolling down looking at other people's lives?

I need to focus on my own.

I need to put down my phone.

It is at times a necessary distraction.

However it is now time for action.

Prep and Plan for today.

Letting my thoughts flow, I'm writing down what to say.

Learning to become an optimistic individual

I'm trying not to be pessimistic as usual.

It is these little sparks of hope that tell me that it will be alright.

There is already enough conflict within me, let go of the that internal fight.

That is what I choose to tell myself as I approach something new.

A do it yourself project that gives me purpose in what I can do.

I have to do what is necessary.

Like learning to drive, the road makes itself known to me.

Familiar in its' design calling me to my destiny.

Taking care of myself physically and mentally.

 Respecting God, friends and my family.

The sand flows and at the bottom is the full amount.

There is still time and every second counts. 

Ain't no time to grumble about this or that.

Crap

Its 5 in the morning, I should just go to sleep.

Well at least I wrote this, so that is pretty neat.

Thank you for allowing me to Share.

Good morning and Take care.

 

 

For those who just up and leave.

As time goes by, I think of those who I no longer talk to.

Losing friends, to me that's anything but cool.

 The thought of me doing something bad to my friends purposely.

I am against that with every fiber of my being.

That being said, there are those who left without saying anything.

I don't know whether they are alive or dead, not knowing hurts me.

Why did we fall off? Was it something that I did?

I rack my brain trying to comprehend this.

Someone could say maybe it was them who wanted to go.

Understanding that we can be busy at times, but still overall that blows.

Whether the friend be male or female, still miss talking to them regardless.

The world keeps on spinning despite their absence.

However, I must understand despite it being very hard.

That through all the struggle, I have come very far.

There are times when I am doing something, and I think of them.

I quietly say, I wish you and I didn't have a problem.

I wish y'all could be here with me having a blast.

All I have left of those people are good memories from the past.

Yeah, I know, good things don't always last.

So, for those who are still here, just know that I am glad.

Glad that you are still here.

Glad that you haven't left even in the worst of times.

Not saying those who did leave didn't have their reasons.

I just wish I knew, so I could have closure for the seasons.

Respecting their choice as I know I will no longer hear their voice.

Wish I could talk to them but only time will tell.

I just pray and hope for you to be well.

Grateful for the moments we shared

Even though you are no longer here, just know that I actually cared.

Thank You

Peace