Finding hope while being a Ghost

 

Sometimes I can be a ghost.

Sometimes I try to have hope.

Don’t really want to be down and mope.

That’s mindset is not for me . Sorry nope.

I’ve been keeping to myself for a good reason .

Starting this way with the spring season.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking of where to go from here.

Had a bit of a rough start this year.

Yet somehow,

I know I can figure this out .

Swarming through my head is opinions of doubt.

Seeing life in black and white.

I am doing what I think is right.

Even if people don’t agree.

That’s why speech is free.

I can say it and then move on.

Life can be trying.

That’s why I do my best to keep smiling.

Regardless of being left alone or behind.

I’m not like that at all, I rather be kind.

Kill it with kindness as they like to say .

Forgive those are wrong, taking the time out to pray .

The sun shines brightly so why shouldn’t I enjoy the day .

Just those questions I ask at times.

 

When a person decides to leave, does anyone really care?

When something doesn’t go your way, is life really fair? 

When someone decides to complain...

From their point of view to you, does it sound insane ? 

Who knows what someone is actually thinking?

I’m not a mind reader, yet the circle keeps on shrinking.

That is just how it is.

No one has the guidebook for dealing with this.

Yet somehow we keep going forward.

Toward better things.

That’s the hope at least.

Letting go all that negative energy.

So that finally ..

We can smile again someday.



Paddy’s Poem

This is a first for me , don’t judge.

Normally would have stayed in the room and not budge.

Today is Paddy day  so  it is time to head to  the bar.

Kinda wish they weren’t so damn far.

Starting off with an angry orchard , that cider goes hard. 

It brings me back to the day I had three.

It wasn’t that bad at all actually.

Spent times with the homies.

Laughing and singing 

Those were those days.

Maybe they can happen again, who can say.

As I sit as this bar and write.

This fried shrimp basket in front  is a lovely sight.

Can’t even lie, wasn’t planning to be here.

Just decided to and abandon that fear.

Going out by myself has always been a challenge.

Coming to and centering myself . Finding that balance.

Isn’t that what it is all about ?

Only way to know is to go out there and find out.

Just a Vibe-Flow

 

 

 

Never meant to be so draining.

Never meant to keep complaining.

All I want to do is vent.

All I want to be is content.

I have to be stronger than this.

Powering through all these hits

I have to do better with my depression.

Every failure is an even better lesson

I only got one life, gotta  keep it right.

Have to walk away from that and not fight.

 They're right though.

Those teachers who told me not give up hope.

All will be well.

I refuse to go through that hell.

Not when I have a rope to grab hold of.

Courtesy of the who watches from above.

Whatever this vibe is, it feels good.

 I can connect to everything and not be misunderstood.

Yeah, Yeah I would like to feel this all the time.

I'm at my best when I can write these rhymes.

Can I just Exist ? (Self- Recovery is Important too)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sitting in a room and thinking that it has come to this.

I just got one question though, can I just please take time to exist?

Feeling like I am just fading away.

Day after Day.

Don't really know what else to say.

I guess it is just better that way.

To keep myself in dark.

Have that long walk in the park,

On the bus, looking at all the cars.

Wishing I had one so I can drive very far.

Until that time, I have to preserve.

Till the time is near.

The problem I face isn't fear.

Hate to lose things that I hold dear.

Yet it keeps on happening and I hold the responsibility.

Not being able to deal with that, losing my functionality

My brain holds all my memories, I kind of need those.

Not stay stuck or anything but to have hope.

To know that I am not alone.

To know that I have a home.

To know that I have friends.

To know that I am a good person and I do what I can.

So yeah, existing to me is very important to me.

Not here as option or courtesy because I want to be.

Granted I won't reach all of y'all with these random poems of mine.

Still have to find time, so that I can write out all these rhymes.

So, I can open up and pull myself out.

Do what you can and be sure to have no doubt.

Doubt can slow you down in long run.

Granted I did type that on purpose, all the damn puns.

 

All there is left is Memories....

 

 

 

 

 

 

You know it's been a while when all you have left is memories.

I have a lot of those and to me those mean everything.

Good and bad and everything in between.

If those never happened, I wouldn't know what half of things mean.

Without you people who came in to my life, I really don't know where I would be.

I really mean that.

Granted you may not be here now and that's just me speaking facts.

Nevertheless I appreciate the lesson that is life.

It is hard to deal with at times,but what is struggle without a little strife.

Memories don't leave me stuck in the past.

It's because of that I can understand things better and actually laugh.

Laugh at the things I thought were hard and that I wouldn't get through.

Laughing because people who didn't have any faith in you.

Yet despite those moments I am still here.

To accomplish things with willpower and to not give in to fear.

God is always giving me signs.

Letting me know when it is time.

Can't stay stuck just reminiscing about people who I used to have fun talking with.

Even if I feel stuck in this.

I can make even better memories with the people who remain.

Yeah, I know time has passed but i know I am not the same.

Sometimes I wish  I could  press reset and play through the memories again.

 Even though I do try, I'm not everyone's friend.

As I have gotten older, I have to come to understand that I do what I can.

Sadly... not everyone in my memories got me as person.

Not everyone will but understand but one thing is for certain.

 The story isn't over yet, so let
who we are and our memories go far.

Memories are a part of who we are.

Feelings of wasting time.

 

 

Currently up feeling that I have been wasting time.

Can't sleep during the night, too much on my mind.

It would help if there was some support of any kind.

Feeling like I'm drowning, I could really use a rewind.

Rewinding my mind back to a good place.

When it's sunny outside there's a smile on my face.

Keeping hope alive even though I made mistakes.

Thanking God cause I am grateful every time that I wake.

Just need y'all to understand.

I am a simple man.

Everyday I do what I can.

Even though for me it is hard to stand.

Standing is hard especially when I keep falling in holes.

Each one is sad, lonely and cold.

I look for the way out and say I won't fold. 

Hard times requires faith the most.

For all that I have said tonight.

I can only hope that I make it right.

Won't give up on myself, I'll continue the fight.

Remember , even in darkness there is always some light.