Figure I write this now than later.

Here’s a poem I decided to share.

It may sound like I’m saying that friends don’t care .

That’s not what I am saying at all.

I’m just trying speak to you my friends when I call.

Sometimes it’s not call, it’s a text.

 I wish it was reciprocated Instead of being left on read.

You just can never know what can happen next.

That to me can put a smile on my face .

I’m not trying to tell you what to do or to put you in your place .

I’m standing my ground, with my head help high.

Seeing people have fun on Friday while on the inside, I cry .

I cry now because later it will all make sense to me.

I go through the struggle because overcoming that is my destiny .

Even though you won’t ever know what it is that I feel in my heart.

Well what do expect when you leave someone in the dark.

Left in the dark,to simply fall apart.

Maybe I was meant to break down but not in the way you think .

In a moment when you do blink.

Those broken pieces come together back from the brink .

A new man .

Stronger now than he was then .

Doing what can , to understand what life is .

Being selfless is better than being completely selfish . 

I refuse to be that narcissistic.

I’m straight up optimistic.

Going forward to the future is scary yes.

Isn’t that case though with anything that comes next 

Despite that , this is me your talking to. I am Jynex.

I won’t give up on my dream.

Whether it’s a game store or to simply stream.

At least I know where it all came from.

Me.

Even if people can’t get behind that , it’s okay 

I don’t hate them no, but I’m done listening to what they say .

Let them talk, They don’t know the story of what defines you.

That’s actually up to you.

Part of me right kinda hates social media

 

(Straight Venting) 

Like why is it called that when people and I ain’t really socializing.

Social media more like social distancing.

I feel like I am quarantined with my own thoughts and feelings.

Not really in the position to do much about it anyway. 

So yeah , I’m going to leave it that and y’all can go back to what are used to doing.

Btw…. It’s not being needy when you actually need to speak to someone.

if you think that your helping by telling said person that they should go seek a therapist or take meds 

Don’t you know the supply(patients ) outweighs the demand(therapy).

Meaning that it could be a while before you can get started.

If you’re busy - you can say that with the fact that messages get read and no response.

Ghosting is free and y’all doing it anyway.

That’s why I don’t reach out because actions do speak louder than words.

If you have kids or like a position that demands your time then that makes sense. Hell if I get a heads up then I know what’s good . 

It grinds my gears when I open these apps and not a single person asks me how it going especially when they haven’t seen me in months. 

(It’s not really me seeking validation, I just thought that we were friends mutually speaking)

I guess I do take abandonment seriously cause it doesn’t seem to be slowly down .

Maybe?

 

 Maybe I was not meant to understand why people leave me alone.

Maybe I am so suppose to figure out all this shit on my own.

Maybe I am bad , like could  people say.

Maybe I just want to wake up to be grateful to see a new day.

Maybe I do complain about nothing ever changing.

Maybe it me who taking the majority of the hurt, no point of complaining.

Maybe I see patterns of shit I don't like

Maybe if i were understandable I wouldn't need a damn mic

Maybe i blind to the solution i am suppose to see.

Maybe i need to open myself to possibility of a destiny.

Maybe I am just writing all this cause no one is talking to me.

Maybe i am writing all of this so i don't end up crying.

Maybe i spent too much time trying to express how i feel.

Maybe i need to find a new way to deal.

Maybe I could take one day at a time and see where that goes.

Maybe I can make more friends and less foes.

Maybe I see myself as a good person and others see me as bad.

Maybe I just fake a smile so i don't seem so sad.

Out of all the slumps, this is the worst one Ive had.

At least I am alive to write this ,I am glad.

So there is at least a glimmer of hope.

I don't mean to be so down but I am really trying not to mope.

You know?

 

Supposed to be sleep but yet I write.

 

I like to write and I like to think.

I like to remember good times every time I blink.

Time is constant, it flows as it should .

Be thankful for all things, whether it be bad or good.

Not always is that case and I end losing myself.

Overthinking and stressing out putting my own self through hell.

Yeah no thanks, cause I know I won’t reach out to anyone.

Been on the receiving end of forgotten messages and being shunned.

Yeah I don’t need that anymore.

My ideas are my own , who else knows what’s in store.

I’m not like everyone else and I’m not trying to copy .

Just trying to be me and not end up a nobody.

I’ve been treated like such most of my life .

By family, friends and even girls who I wanted to wife.

Even growing to 6 foot 2 and people still can’t see me .

That’s crazy…..

I’m not I just recognize the reality that people have around them.

Sometimes people do need a friend.

I do the best I can to those who consider as such .

Others will see me as weak and needy, and frankly I don’t give a fuck.

Just writing my piece that’s all…

Take care y’all.

It’s not an Obligation these days

Friendship isn’t an obligation these days .

People’s actions don’t match up with what they say .

How can you say you’re my friend and yet not be there.

It could apply to both people so that way it is fair .

Granted I know that people will just do what they want to.

Eh i owe it to myself to see it through.

Be there for those who want to be around.

People kinda of ignore when you down .

It’s like you can’t be in your feelings that way.

A person who is worthwhile will hear what you got to say .

At least I believe that for the most part . Most of these come from a good place in the heart.

Gotta take care of that and make sure it beats properly.

True friends take time while enemies come very easily .

Isn’t that something .

It used to bother me when people leave.

You know what’s funny about me .

How much I cared before about people leaving .

Leaving me behind or leaving me out .

Didn’t matter which, it always gave me uncertainty and doubt.

Now don’t get me wrong about this .

Back then I would get mad at this shit 

Being left out of this or that .

Staying at home getting an anxiety attack.

Feeling as if nobody wants me around .

No one to go to made me feel down.

Now it’s like, for what reason do I need to care?

I should be okay whether you here or there.

I’m not saying I don’t care about you .

You’re just doing your thing and that’s cool.

I gotta do me too.

Cause at the end of the day, I matter just much as the next person .

I can’t take it personally.

You allow what you bring in and I say stay the fuck away negativity.

Living on Edge , Going Ghost for Real.

 

 

All this pain and at the end of the year too.

Yeah whats next to look forward to.

The way I am speaking right now is bad.

Yes Once again for those assholes in the back I am sad.

What I do is that I give too much of myself to others.

I do all of that and I cannot even see my brothers.

Girls feels all types of ways of about me.

Some of them are OK and others are just plain mean.

People who claim the truth and they speak it so freely.

Do you have any idea how much that means to me.

You can tell me about myself and what I don't do.

Now it doesn't matter anymore, Not them or to you.

I am making a choice on what to do next whether someone cares or not.

Taking all this unnecessary weight to the nearest drop.

This shit is killing my back.

Words chopping me down with an Axe.

Very selective and choosy, yeah those are the facts

Then you feel as if I am exactly where I need to be .

Alone with nobody,.

Then wonder why I can't enjoy the holidays.

Why I hate my birthday?

Why I can't go to anyone because of gaslighting or just being toxic?

 Pain in my heart like lighting just struck.

If you think  this just for attention then wake the fuck up.

I am no attention seeker trying to glorify the pain I didn't ask to go through.

Why would I think that is cool?

Before you think suicide. No I am not brave enough to end things.

So here is to Isolation, the next best thing.

Going Ghost is real concept and yeah I am writing it on here.

God give me the strength to be strong enough to handle my fear.

 It's not like how I go to them.

 To be honest I hate hearing this Cause it ain't no one else problem .