I’m not needy yo😕

 

Someone told me that I can’t be needy.

 There are some things I do need.

For example, I need to be able to speak my mind.

Everyone else can so when is it my time?

I need to go outside without feeling afraid.

Depression and Anxiety is still a thing okay.

I need to believe in me.

Many things are out of my control, I need to let that be.

I need to not doubt.

Deciding whether to stay in or to go out.

Second guessing whether I belong or not.

Just a bad thought.

I’m sorry that what you say to me gets in my head.

Shouldn’t you be supportive instead.

Yes I know that I shouldn’t let it bother me but it has.

it has made me sad or even mad.

Looking at the mirror and saying you are better than this.

Know what is from what isn’t . 

A lot of folk could benefit from a kind gesture.

Especially through the stormy weather.

I need someone to understand that.

To see all not some Of the facts.

Just so I don’t crack.

I’m not needy yo

you and your opinion really need to go.

Insomnia

 

There is the one story that I wish tell. 

Even now in my mind, it gives me hell.

The thing in the night.

That wakes me up with such a fright.

I just wish talking about it were easy.

It’s not though. Makes my stomach queasy.

Makes me think the whole time I was the bad guy.

Got me doubting my beliefs and asking God why?

I though that I could be better than this.

Like walking across ice and trying not to slip.

Trying not stumble and trip.

Trying to keep it contain so that I don’t flip.

It’s been a couple of years since I’ve dealt with this shit.

It messes with my head.

Make me believe I shouldn’t exist instead,

Yes I know the poem is depressing.

It’s overwhelming.

That’s how I’m feeling right now 

Don’t know how .

Even though I’m writing this on a bus.

On my way to work saying to myself, Good luck.

Right now I wish I didn’t give a fuck.

That’s not me at all.

I care too much even as I fall.

Falling down on my knees to the ground.

Crying slowly as I don’t make a sound.

As my heart slowly pounds.

I wonder is it enough to have me around ?

Where did it all go?🤯

 

That feeling, where did it go?

 searching the depths of my soul.

I just wanna know.

I just wanna have hope.

To be fair.

I would like someone there.

I need to a moment to prepare.

Let me breath in this fresh air.

As I heal my broken body.

Falling back into old hobbies.

Looking back on some fond memories.

Seeing photos of people who I wish didn’t leave.

It’s about me accepting the reality.

Talking up responsibility.

I’m grown  and I have things I need to do.

As I write this, I do think of you.

Probably shouldn’t  though, bad memories aren’t so cool.

Especially one after the other while i am trying to sleep.

Only the best memories I do keep.

Keep it close 

You never know.

Sooo Awkward😐

 

I just don’t know how to be social,

 I sound like an awkward commercial.

I walk up and just freeze.

Don’t know how to not react badly.

It’s just one of those things I have to improve on.

I don’t like it when the feeling is gone.

It’s hard for me to find that feeling in the first place.

Can you tell by the look on my face?

I am socially awkward and I feel lost.

My voice is the only one I got.

I wanna be heard but I don’t know what to say.

Trying to ask co-workers how was their day.

Same shit I suppose.

You know how it goes.

If It doesn’t work out, have to keep moving.

Moving forward is what I need to do.

Holding it all and exploding is something I don’t mean to.

I just need the right friends.

Keep me grounded, essential and to be able to understand.

I’m just a man, like everyone else.

Knowing how they and I felt.

We aren’t always on the same page.

Even so , I get it and they get it too.  

Getting over the awkwardness is something I need to do.

Doing my thing/too much on the brain.

You know what the problem is?
I've stared too long into the abyss
When im lost , im like what is this.
Nothing around me but darkness.
Sometimes i am afraid.
I think girls are all the same.
Scenarios are all over my brain.
Doesn't it sound insane?
I can't say all girl when i don't have the facts.
 it is all about me ? How about that?
You don't know jack.
I can't even form words half the time.
That's not issue when im writing down rhymes.
Rows of poetry on the thin blue lines.
What do i have to do to make it fine.
Should not be so sad any more?
Pick myself off the floor?
Spend less money at the store?
Take a specific course?
It's alot for me to think about.
Dont have the status yet to brag about clout.
Sure it may sound like doubt.
Depression in my brain, yeah i want out.
I want to keep on doing my thing.
Be hands on as i am working.
Keep my guard up as the enemy is lurking.
Time for more healing and less hurting.

Standing up...

Now I know there are those see my posts
Some are okay and others say I am a ghost.
Hope is something I’m in need of the most.
What ? Doesn’t everyone need a little hope?
Yeah I’m just one guy.
A guy who just does things and never asked why?
Is that a crime ?
Did I run out of time ?
I’m still here on earth so let me make the most of it.
Still get plagued by depression.
Not always does it plague me.
Not always do I have bad dreams.
I’m still writing and that’s saying something.
It’s progress
Nevertheless, it’s important for me to grow.
After all, I do have a good side I like to show.
So for those out there you see me as a joke.
Fade away quick like a puff of smoke.
Be careful with those words, it’s possible to choke.
Especially when you don’t know everything.
It’s not only just what you see.
Like that good stuff, grade A quality.
I’m a poet who can write it all down down .
On the bus onto the next town.
I’m here for the real ones, forget these clowns.
I’m not perfect, but I do try to do the right thing.
Is that telling you something?
It tells me that I have a chance.
To stand tall and be my own man.

We are family....sry a bit rusty.

Hey you , are you there ?
Did you know that I actually care?
Care about you , yes I do.
This isn’t about me , it’s about you.
Taking the time from writing about being sad.
Not all the time am I always mad.
When I write , my words reach the soul.
Give us the ability to crawl outta of the hole.
Taking chances and finding new doors.
Opening it to find so much more.
Yeah ,it may sound like I’m full of it.
Can people actually try reading this?
Seeing that I’m sincere with these lines.
Spreading awareness while there is still time.
Letting you know that I am someone who is around.
You can talk to me if your down.
Honestly I don’t like frowns.
Let laughter be the only sound.
In times like these, we need each other.
Just like a mother, father,sister,or a brother.
We are family.
We are unique.